November 30, 2009

bikey/yogi stuff

Posted in body image, family, health, lovey, tales from the gym, weekend at 9:51 pm by Marise Phillips

i have been working out fairly consistently these past few weeks and the things I find myself doing the most are bicycling and yoga. partly because my gym is close to work, offers good (aka easy enough for me) classes at times I can handle — and partly because of the immersive, meditative quality of both activities. i spend so much time in my head that i’m in dire need of classes like these, that force me back into my body *and* leave me feeling relaxed afterwards. hooray!

so J & I went on a jaunt yesterday, drove the car (with our handy-dandy, new hitch-mounted bike rack) over to Canada Road out near the junction of highways 92 and 280, and tried a new route along the Crystal Springs reservoir. The weather was perfect: sparkly bright sun and water, warm, and the route wasn’t too tough, despite the hills being slightly more challenging than promised by reviewers (but then again, what idiot rides a single-speed out in nature? oh yeah, me!) i don’t think J loved it, but he was a good sport and took some cool photos.

note: i’m still not near the point where i like seeing photos of myself in short-sleeved shirts, but i hope to get there sometime in 2010. enjoying the ride nonetheless.

June 7, 2005

A Nasty Shock

Posted in body image, dieting, self-flagellation at 10:47 am by Marise Phillips

So I went to Voldemort yesterday. Turns out the doctor I was scheduled to see couldn't make it; they'd tried to call me but had my old work number and a totally random emergency contact number. But I insisted on staying as I really needed to get looked at. Fortunately, there was no need to rush back to work, and I wasn't feeling super-impatient; so while I had to wait for two extra hours, I'm glad I stayed (becuase I must be a true masochist).

1. The exam itself was very brief and not a pain at all.
2. As I predicted, I did have a Bartholin's cyst. So they gave me a shot of local anethesia (ouch) and took care of it.
3. Unfortunately, they inserted a catheter which I have to keep in for a week to prevent the cyst from recurring. (No, thank God it's not one of *those* catheters!)
4. They weighed me and I am 20 POUNDS heavier than I thought I was!!!! Fucking scary!!
5. My blood pressure (for the second time now) is borderline high: 130/90.

SIGH. I joined eDiets though, and have been eating sensibly today. If my damn "bits" didn't ache, I might be persuaded to go on a walk 😉 But I am too sore to ride on my scooter, even 😦

April 28, 2005

Just Go Shopping!

Posted in body image, dieting, self-improvement, shopping at 12:32 pm by Marise Phillips

So… in response to yesterday's question:

What Am I Going To Do? (about being so chubby?)

Patriot that I am, I came up with the same answer that our President (or, as I like to call him, His Accidency) devised right after 9/11: Just Go Shopping!

To that end, I purchased the following items from a well-known low-price online retailer:

Next Avalon 26-inch Comfort Bike
Edge 250 Dual Piston Rower

Dare I recall all the other purchases I've made over the years in my quest to regain the lithe body of my misspent youth?

Here is but a sampling:

  • One (1) TREK Mountain Bike (never a comfortable bike to ride, hence it's sat unused in my garage for 9 years)
  • Two (2) pairs rollerblades (one well-used and eventually dumped, the other gathering dust in my hall closet)
  • Countless mostly-unused gym memberships
  • Four (4) Weight Watchers memberships
  • Several exercise videos, most recently: Bellydance for Beginners
  • Several books, including
    • Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell
    • Susan Powter's Stop the Insanity!
    • Dr. Atkins Diet Revolution
    • The South Beach Diet
    • Bill Phillips' Body for Life
    • The Macrobiotic Path to Total Health

But *this* time, I swear, it'll be different. 😉

April 27, 2005

Live Fit or Die!*

Posted in body image, dieting, self-improvement at 4:18 pm by Marise Phillips

This should be the state motto of California. I swear.

So yeah. Forget about "Eureka!"
That's so… I dunno, so 1849.

That's right folks. They found it. We found it. There are enough people here already and the gold is long, long gone.

Now all we're left with is low self esteem and body image "issues" (and I'm not just talking about us girls.)

To that point, enter moi. Almost 37 years young (ha!) and *very* depressed about the following developments:

  • an ever-expanding array of waist, hip, bust and thigh measurements
  • breathlessness after climbing a single flight of stairs
  • inability to find pants in the "normal"-sized women's section
  • repeated reminders/naggings from my boyfriend J
  • two words: back fat
  • more chins than I can count
  • …and much, much more!

My parents are both grossly overweight and have been ever since I can remember. My mother now has type 2 diabetes and walks with a cane. She isn't even 60 years old! I have freakishly high cholesterol and have been on SSRIs for almost 4 years. I have reasons to believe that these conditions come from a lifelong high-starch diet and 15 years of sedentary desk work as much from genetics.

Having overweight parents was a major liability for me, growing up in uber-image-conscious O.C., CA. But at least I didn't have to endure the torments of being a chubby kid. So, after a relatively carefree childhood (weight-wise), I finally followed in my parents' footsteps and started to put on weight during my mid-twenties. Ten years later, this problem is no longer new. Not a surprise.

But I still don't know why it's so #$@*&%# difficult to do something about it!

It's a matter of priorities, says K, and I have far too many competing distractions in my life. To name a few:

  1. Tending to my romantic relationship, my cats and my plants
  2. Sleeping and other bedroom activities
  3. Eating, snacking, and other oral fixations
  4. Entertainments such as the PSP, my scooter, shopping, knitting, blogging, reading, writing, watching movies…
  5. Work
  6. Non-physical self-improvement activities

And the list goes on and on.

So, given this highly-diversified and diverting list of interests, why do I constantly beat myself up for not having any interest in going on a hike or joining a gym? Is it because I live in a state that is so fixated on physical perfection? Is it because I live in a country that is getting fatter and fatter?

I don't know what to do.

*Adapted from the highly amusing and somewhat disturbing state motto of New Hampshire, "Live Free Or Die" — geesh, alright already…

November 24, 2002

meeting mitten tomorrow.

Posted in body image, internets at 8:49 am by Marise Phillips

i'm getting pretty nervous, have no idea what to wear and, admittedly, am a bit worried about getting rejected in front of j. that would be even more humiliating than all those new VGs I'm forced to play in front of him for the first time while he skins up! hehehehe…

however (and here's the semi-silver lining), i've learned that they get 40-60 model applications a day (not just mitten, but SG in aggregate) and accept maybe 5% or fewer. so i ask myself, why not look at this as "wow, i got this far without even having any tattoos, being 10 yrs older than most of the girls, and only being into all this kind of soft-core shit for… i dunno… 2 weeks?!?!?!" hehehehhee indeed.

ahhh… my life. all about putting myself in positions where i must rely heavily on my reserves of self-acceptance, courage, audacity and honesty. quite a ride. but i'm hanging on!