December 2, 2009
So I got a new job today. More precisely, I got to go permanent after contracting for 14 months at a place where time has flown by in the best possible way. In the official announcement this afternoon, my new manager mentioned that I came to them with 15 years of experience working on the web. All very surreal as I mused on a) how long 15 years is and b) what a different direction my career — my whole life — would have taken, had I not been ‘desperate’ enough to turn to the Internet as a source of friends in a new town.
Looking back on my digital life, it occurred to me tonight that some of the first things I ever posted online were poems. Poems of lust and loss that poured out of me as fast as I could post them, not things I’d already written longhand or kept stored on floppy disk. (Because of course that was your average “high-tech” person’s backup solution in 1994. Tee hee.) But yeah, back to the poems. That unexpected, easy willingness to expose myself online rather surprised me.
Then again, when you consider the explosion of websites and apps such as…
- my yahoo
…one of the Internet’s most enduring qualities is its revolutionary broadening of the means, and the potential reach, of self-expression. Of artistry. Of feeling. You know, those things we used to keep locked up inside, while making our living doing the more mundane things the world was willing to pay us for. And someday, maybe if we were really lucky, and tried really hard, we’d ‘get published’ and, at long last, achieve immortality. But now? Au contraire! I literally spend a part of every day sharing something about myself or taking a headlong dive into someone else’s life. And it all happens online, of course.
See, the corner of the web I like best is the one where we all have a voice (and call ourselves ‘writers’, ‘photographers’, ‘artists’, ‘comedians’ or ‘collectors’) as we show off to — and riff off of — one another. It’s funny to think that the celebrities I follow are no longer the ones splashed on billboards and magazines; these days, they’re the ones who craft the funniest/most poignant blog posts, crochet the twee-est baby quilts, take endless photos of men with impossibly ornate mustaches, and so on… *They* are the ‘cool kids’ now 🙂
Just this morning, however, I felt an uncomfortable mixture of disdain and desire creep into the shower with me, as I reflected on the new ‘celebrities’ I follow who sell ad space and hold giveaway contests on their blogs. Such a strange thing to do, I thought. Shouldn’t that be considered kind of… I don’t know… uncouth? Like having a corporate sponsor for your wedding? (“And now it’s time the happy couple’s first dance! Brought to you by Kitchy-Brand pressure cookers!”) But as the day progressed and I continued to chew on it, I had to retract my opinion as disingenuous. Making money off ads on your personal website? And how is that different than writing advertising copy for a living? Because you can hide behind the anonymity of the latter? So: better just to be out in the open about it?
Hmph. Sometimes I hate ambiguity 🙂 They say that women are unhappier than ever these days. They say it may be because we just *care* more. Enough to think twice (or three times or ten) about whether something we thought or did or said was the right thing. It’s all very very complicated, but a big chunk of what gets churned out online represents the space in which we’re hashing these things out, together.
Anyway, this has been my web. (Brought to you by our sponsor, Al Gore 😉 It’s messy and it’s weird and it can be ugly at times but, on the whole, it’s still beautiful.
April 11, 2007
a shopping blog, by yours truly!
February 3, 2007
i’ve been going to a great acupuncturist, and she’s inspired me to cut down on some unhealthy habits (smoking & overeating) and to take on some healthy new ones (more vegies & water). i am feeling a lot better already after 6 days of said improvements. my energy is still low, and i’m finally getting over my third cold of the winter, and a spot on my chin is taking a loooonnnnng time to heal – but all in all, doing better.
i’m also cheered by the fact i somehow lost 10 lbs since the last time i weighed myself (who knows, maybe 5 months ago…) now i just gotta convince j to hand over the new wii, play me some sports, and the rest of the weight will come melting off, i tellya…
in all seriousness though, i did put in about 40 minutes of gardening today and i think that was good for both my ass and the backyard.
oh yeah, one other thing: i get to choose the blog platform we’ll be using for work. suggestions anyone?
November 15, 2006
November 15, 2006
Dear Mr. L and Ms. P,
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. My partner J and I, along with my parents, have grown quite fond of the home you are selling, and are eager to move forward with the deal. Since the price we settled on is more than its fair market value, my hope is that you will take the following considerations into account when reviewing our request for repairs.
After touring several other multi-unit properties in the East Bay, and weighing the pros and cons of each, we selected this property for two specific reasons: the separation between the two structures, and the apparent soundness of their respective foundations. Because of the relatively small size of the cottage compared to my parents’ current home, however, J and I went into this transaction fully prepared to invest time and money to make it as comfortable as possible for them. Meanwhile, we looked forward to the prospect of a turnkey situation with the main house.
Upon review of the second round of inspection and pest reports, however, we have some apprehension about the number of repairs needed to bring the property up to the condition we originally expected to find it in, based on the disclosures and reports we reviewed before making the offer.
Therefore, in order to address our key safety concerns, there are two items which we would especially appreciate you taking care of: the roof certification and inspection of the fireplace and wood-burning stoves. Your attention to these matters before close of escrow would go a very long way in mitigating our hesitation in proceeding with this purchase transaction.
Thank you again for your consideration in this matter.
Very sincerely yours,
January 31, 2005
After reading Politics and the English language by George Orwell, I envisioned joining a long line of earnest writers struck dumb, unable to write a word for days, loath to commit further crimes against the language. In high school, my English teachers distributed “the six rules” as readily as some politicians would have them post the Ten Commandments; fortunately, my incomplete but sufficient recall of these guidelines spared many a college research paper from the red ink of an irritable teaching assistant. However, reading the complete essay in 2005 frames Orwell’s six rules in a much farther-reaching social context than mere grammatical correctness, parts of which I embrace as still relevant and true, others less so.
Like our keen anticipation of a meal at a highly-rated restaurant, a writer’s renown shapes our approach to reading his work. In the case of George Orwell, the fact that I have never read 1984 has not prevented me from liberally referring to it in recent political discussions with friends. With a sense of near reverence, I was eager to discover what Orwell had to say about the failure of politicians to govern honestly and the ways in which they abuse our language to manipulate the foolish and weak-minded. Little did I suspect he would challenge every last literate one of us to hold ourselves — and, by extension, our leaders — accountable to a rigorous standard of clarity, accuracy and verity.
As I considered the opening arguments of the essay, however, my initial anticipation gave way to an unexpected twinge of skepticism. Steeped in the intolerance of intolerance characteristic to my cohort of professional, politically-progressive 30-somethings, I have long believed that my language, like my country, can only benefit from open borders. Therefore, after reading a few lines of Orwell’s controversial first paragraph:
[T]he English language is in a bad way, but it is generally assumed that we cannot by conscious action do anything about it. Our civilization is decadent and our language — so the argument runs — must inevitably share in the general collapse,
I prepared myself for nine pages of earnest calls for “the good old days” when, as we all know, everyone had far more impressive vocabularies, treated one another with infinitely greater respect and never allowed a profane word to pass their lips. Moreover, as I scanned down the page, I noted a distinct overuse of the word “bad,” and raised my critical defenses a notch higher.
Upon a second reading, however, I observed Orwell’s use of a particularly effective technique employed by other talented orators and logicians: anticipation of rebuttal. The statement, “[i]t follows that any struggle against the abuse of language is a sentimental archaism, like preferring candles to electric light or hansom cabs to aeroplanes,” successfully re-opened my mind and rekindled my hope that what he had to say would be important. I was not disappointed, for Orwell was wise to follow this brief concession to his inevitable opponents with a liberal dose of humor: five examples of preposterous prose cited from academics, politicians and other established arbiters of intellectualism. Quotes like
I am not, indeed, sure whether it is not true to say that the Milton who once seemed not unlike a seventeenth-century Shelley had not become, out of an experience ever more bitter in each year, more alien [sic] to the founder of that Jesuit sect which nothing could induce him to tolerate,
brought a smile to my face, soon to be replaced with embarrassment as I read on, recognizing a host of errors I make with alarming frequency, all the while thinking myself terribly clever. As a result, I found Orwell’s arguments highly skillful in leading us readers along the path to recognition and self-examination, and culminating in his forceful challenge to us all to try harder to speak and write better.
The inventory of crimes against the English language Orwell exposes within each quote is as alarmingly commonplace in our discourse today. The errors he calls “dying metaphors,” “verbal false limbs,” “pretentious diction” and “meaningless words” are described and demonstrated with damning accuracy. In particular, I felt a sense of personal condemnation after reading “in between these two classes there is a huge dump of wornout metaphors which have lost all evocative power and are merely used because they save people the trouble of inventing phrases for themselves,” knowing I regularly commit this offense as I send out the day’s thousandth gratuitous e-mail.
Moreover, by concluding his “catalogue of swindles and perversions” with another humorous example of the absurdity that arises from writers’ well-intentioned attempts to replace simple words with extravagant ones, Orwell makes his case with solid assurance. Moved as I was by the beauty in the passage Orwell quotes from Ecclesiastes, “I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all,” I recognized in it an understated reminder that the plainest of words can express the deepest of meanings. Soon afterward, as Orwell undeniably intended, the same passage in re-worked form rang all the more meaningless, ridiculous and familiar. As a result, I was struck with the realization that writing is a difficult skill not so much because it requires erudition but because it demands vigilance.
Not all of the essay’s arguments convinced me, however. Because I believe that the longevity and vivacity of a language is increased by allowing it to flow unfettered rather than attempting to control its course, I objected to Orwell’s cautions against the use of foreign words and phrases. His declarations on the subject call to mind certain strident French purists who guard the sanctity of their language at the cost of destroying its relevance within the international community. In addition, Orwell’s points on this matter fail to acknowledge the plain fact that English owes its very depth and breadth to its historical receptivity to foreign influence. Perhaps not all of the words we have acquired over the centuries are as effective and meaningful as the “native” English words they supplanted, but the sheer number of synonyms we have at our disposal gives us English speakers almost unmatched potential for diversity and creativity of expression. For that, I am willing to accept the bad with the good, while attempting nevertheless to take up the challenges contained in Orwell’s other, more effective arguments.
Another minor disappointment I encountered while reading the essay was the way in which its content did not immediately live up to its title. As previously discussed, I approached Orwell’s work with the expectation that it would focus more specifically on political discourse than on the far wider range of venues in which modern communication takes place. Filled with the anticipation of reading a satire on the dull dishonesty of mid-20th-century politicians, I expected to find the essay’s points all the more relevant today given the frequent linguistic missteps of our current President. Certainly, Orwell makes several interesting observations in this vein such as, “[w]hen one watches some tired hack on the platform mechanically repeating the familiar phrases, one often has a curious feeling that one is not watching a live human being but some kind of dummy;” nevertheless, I wished he would go further than the brief disapproval of political conformity with which he concluded that particular line of thought.
As my reflections on the essay expanded over time, however, I began to realize that Orwell’s primary intention was to exhort his readers to change their own habits, rather than take the easier route of placing the blame wholesale on those in power. Thus, while I am occasionally tempted to deny my citizenship in a nation which re-elected a man who, by the most charitable accounts, is dyslexic, Orwell’s essay inspired me to think more deeply than I expected to about the variety of factors that contributed to this state of affairs. Perhaps, upon further consideration, the following is indeed true:
A man may take to drink because he feels himself to be a failure, and then fail all the more completely because he drinks. It is rather the same thing that is happening to the English language. It becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts.
If so, perhaps I should reassess my conviction that George W. Bush and his Administration are malevolent, dangerous liars motivated only by their lust for power, and attempt to reconcile it with the equally strong conviction of my neighbors in the “red states” that the President’s intentions are brave and admirable. The mistrust that currently divides us may in fact stem from our collective failure to express ourselves with enough circumspection and, consequently, to hold our leaders accountable to the same standard. I have no doubt that this will be increasingly difficult to do in an age when pre-packaged sound bytes can be broadcast electronically across the globe with nothing but a seven-second delay in which to reflect, as Orwell recommends, “Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?”
Using the phrase “Axis of Evil” to describe three nations of peaceful subjects saddled with the misfortune of living under totalitarian regimes (who just happen to disagree with archetypal American values) is ugly. But the fact that I employ phrases like “fucking idiot” to describe the driver who cut me off on the freeway, minutes after I semi-accidentally did the same thing to someone else, is also ugly. Not so much because it is profane but because it is unimaginative and hypocritical. Taken to another level, being uncritical of ourselves and our leaders for perpetuating the dogmatic tenets of the two-party system propels our civilization toward collapse. Whether such a fate is inevitable I do not know; however, I agree with George Orwell’s assertion that language, when constructed with care and honest reflection, can slow — and possibly reverse — the process.
To: MLA Applicants
From: Dr. Linda Paulson
Associate Dean and Director
As you know, an important part of your application is a written analytical response to a piece of writing that we send you. This year, we are putting the essay on the MLA website. Go to the last link towards the bottom of the MLA Login page at http://mla.stanford.edu/login.htm and find George Orwell�s essay �Politics and the English Language,� one of the great essays of the 20th century by one of the time�s preeminent thinkers and writers. Written in 1946, �Politics and the English Language� continues to speak to those who would think and write with clarity, individuality, and honesty.
Read �Politics and the English Language� carefully. Take this opportunity to enter into the conversation that Orwell initiates, and use the author�s thoughts to reflect upon your own. In your own essay, both analyze the ideas that Orwell brings up, and investigate your own response to his argument. You may wish to cite passages from �Politics and the English Language� as you present your case, but be sure that your essay analyzes Orwell�s work and presents your opinion about it. Do not simply restate Orwell�s argument.
This is not a research paper; do not rely on the opinions of other critics in formulating your argument. In accordance with Stanford�s Honor Code, we trust that the essays you submit will be entirely your own work.
Be assured that we are not in any way judging the political, social, or literary opinions that your essay presents; we anticipate receiving a wide array of positions on this piece. The committee will be looking for your ability to engage clearly, analytically, and logically in the discussion that Orwell initiates. Your essay should be typed, and no longer than 1500 words; please doublespace, use no smaller than a 12-point font, and choose a conventional typeface.
I�m pleased by your interest in the Master of Liberal Arts program, and I look forward to reviewing your application. Please remember that your file, including this analytical essay, must be completed by January 31, 2005.
Assignment: A brief (approximately 1-page) description of how your background would contribute to the diverse points of view in the classroom.
Response: Raised by two liberal intellectuals in a conservative enclave of inland Orange County, California, I learned from an early age how to listen and respond to conflicting points of view. Through elementary, junior high and high school, my overarching strategy was to nod, smile and blend in with the crowd. By the time I graduated college in 1992, the wall of my reserve had lowered somewhat and I learned to speak my mind, but much more confidently in writing than face-to-face. Two years� membership in an evangelical Presbyterian congregation followed; while my mid-twenties conversion to Christianity horrified my atheist parents, I gained a great deal of insight into how the �other side� thinks. Over the past decade or so as a high-tech creative professional in the politically-progressive Bay Area, my once avid faith has mellowed into an agnostic tolerance which has put me back in my parents� good graces. Lastly, the business meetings I�ve facilitated and the public speaking contests I�ve entered have provided me with a clear and steady voice that is nearly as well-developed as the listening skills I acquired early in life.
As an adult Continuing Studies student, I find myself even more enthusiastic and prepared than I was in my favorite classes as an undergraduate. The novels I�ve read, the films I�ve seen and the countries I�ve visited contribute to a higher level of insight that I am able to bring to classroom discussions. Moreover, the people I�ve met and worked with along the way have taught me cherished lessons about the inescapable and astonishing paradoxes of human interaction. I know now that learning is equal parts speaking, reading, writing and listening. And most importantly, that blending in with the crowd is not the most effective way to get the most out of life. Speaking in turn, honestly and thoughtfully, at the risk of disagreeing with others, is the one of the most challenging things I�ve found the courage to do.
Assignment: A brief (approximately 2-page) written response to the following: Describe an intellectual interest that you have developed. How has this interest led you to seek a Master of Liberal Arts degree? In what ways will this interest be served by interdisciplinary graduate work in the liberal arts? Please note that if your undergraduate major was not in the humanities or a closely related field, you should include in this essay a description of the academic or nonacademic experiences that have prepared you to embark on graduate-level work in the humanities.
Response: As an active participant in several online communities, I have cultivated a passionate curiosity about the social, political and historical implications of the past decade�s proliferation of personal electronic communication devices and publishing technologies. The effect on contemporary idiom alone, evident from such recently-coined words and phrases as �blogging,� �IM me,� �Google it,� �rip that CD� and ��toothed to my cell phone,� is at once extraordinary and overwhelming. Taken a step further, this trend toward cheaper, faster and wider-reaching information sharing may ultimately enable a greater percentage of the world�s population to experience, document and shape a future according to their own desires. Meanwhile, those of us already equipped with these miraculous tools are reveling in the variety of human expression now available for creation and consumption. While, indeed, the catalog of contemporary experience currently on offer ranges from quotidian �Dear Diary� entries to increasingly successful achievements in social transformation; sacred or profane, I find the common humanity of it all deeply moving.
My drive to observe, analyze and communicate trends in the world around me traces back to my undergraduate work in Dramatic Art. The broad range of humanities courses I took equipped me with a flexible, interdisciplinary toolkit which has, happily, retained its relevancy over the past 12 years. The area of study I chose � after two and a half years spent meandering the halls of UCSB�s Political Science, Black Studies and Linguistics departments � satisfied my craving for educational and experiential variety. Treated to a curriculum encompassing playwriting, stage/lighting/costume design, directing, acting, literary criticism and world history, I delighted at the daily opportunity to look at life through a multi-faceted lens.
The prospect of deepening my understanding of the plurality and universality of human expression through rigorous analysis and intellectual discussion with a diverse group of individuals truly excites me. When I discovered Stanford�s Master of Liberal Arts program and looked further into its structure and approach, I felt certain that it was an experience well worth pursuing. My hope is that participation in such a broad-based, challenging course of study will provide me with the �real-life forum� I�ve been searching for: an opportunity to contribute ideas and research to help make more sense of the ways in which humankind creates, destroys and rebuilds one civilization after another. Although 12 years in the corporate world, and a career dotted with numerous small victories and minor setbacks, have somewhat tempered the utopian idealism of my early 20s, I still dream of a future in which the confusion and strife of Babel is replaced by the lingua franca of boundary-free human expression.
Were this to happen in my time, I would not expect life suddenly to become any easier. The increasingly tedious chore of managing information overload is one of the many side-effects of its freer flow, and it will only increase over the near-term. To this end, I am proud of the professional accomplishments I have achieved in information architecture and user experience design. With these skills in hand, I relish the opportunity to sharpen my intellectual faculties as a graduate student at Stanford, and ultimately synthesize what I have learned to help others find meaning in the things we humans make, say and do in the attempt to understand why we are here. This is, I believe, the highest aspiration of the liberal arts scholar and a challenge I would enthusiastically accept.
So… I turned in my MLA application today, hooray — glad that's done.
I will post the essays here, yeah… that's what I'll do.
November 17, 2002
oh, the poems below were written over 7 years ago. mostly inspired by jormungandr — though the lightbulb one is about Ron, of course.
How funny life is, and how it changes so.