January 11, 2000

Stuff I Excelled At (as a kid)

Posted in uncategorized at 11:10 am by riseyp

Babyhood

Sculpture – my preferred medium was crackers. I would moisten them a bit, then mix them into my hair. I invented the soggy-saltine-mohawk that eventually inspired the classic punkrawk hit “Baldies Ain’t Allowed…In Mohawk Town”

Climbing – my earliest memory involves sneaking out of my crib for a banana. My mom said she caught me on top of the fridge once. But I knew where they hid the booze!

Peeing – my parents dubbed me “Pee-Pee Dirl” thanks to my habit of wetting my bed, crawling into bed with them, wetting their ed, then wetting the couch while they fumbled around for yet another new diaper.

to be continued…

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January 9, 2000

The Meaning of It All

Posted in uncategorized at 4:47 pm by riseyp

So when I was little, I spent every evening in the bathtub making up my own commercials. (According to my mother, I was fascinated by them on TV — I’d ignore the regular programming, but perk up immediately, whenever an ad came on. Tee.)

One of my favorite commercials to do in the tub, given the raw materials surrounding me, was a side-by-side soap contest. “Which soap feels cleaner, fresher, and leaves less of a filmy residue? That’s right, Ivory!” Or Dove, or whatever the soap-du-jour was.

Other times, the ads centered around orange juice brands, laundry detergent or instant coffee. As in, “But Jim *never* has seconds of my coffee! [Gasp!] [Pause.] Yuban. Richness worth a second cup.”

Anyway, what all this says about me, I dunno. I just thought it’d be fun to share 🙂