April 27, 2005

Live Fit or Die!*

Posted in body image, dieting, self-improvement at 4:18 pm by riseyp

This should be the state motto of California. I swear.

So yeah. Forget about "Eureka!"
That's so… I dunno, so 1849.

That's right folks. They found it. We found it. There are enough people here already and the gold is long, long gone.

Now all we're left with is low self esteem and body image "issues" (and I'm not just talking about us girls.)

To that point, enter moi. Almost 37 years young (ha!) and *very* depressed about the following developments:

  • an ever-expanding array of waist, hip, bust and thigh measurements
  • breathlessness after climbing a single flight of stairs
  • inability to find pants in the "normal"-sized women's section
  • repeated reminders/naggings from my boyfriend J
  • two words: back fat
  • more chins than I can count
  • …and much, much more!

My parents are both grossly overweight and have been ever since I can remember. My mother now has type 2 diabetes and walks with a cane. She isn't even 60 years old! I have freakishly high cholesterol and have been on SSRIs for almost 4 years. I have reasons to believe that these conditions come from a lifelong high-starch diet and 15 years of sedentary desk work as much from genetics.

Having overweight parents was a major liability for me, growing up in uber-image-conscious O.C., CA. But at least I didn't have to endure the torments of being a chubby kid. So, after a relatively carefree childhood (weight-wise), I finally followed in my parents' footsteps and started to put on weight during my mid-twenties. Ten years later, this problem is no longer new. Not a surprise.

But I still don't know why it's so #$@*&%# difficult to do something about it!

It's a matter of priorities, says K, and I have far too many competing distractions in my life. To name a few:

  1. Tending to my romantic relationship, my cats and my plants
  2. Sleeping and other bedroom activities
  3. Eating, snacking, and other oral fixations
  4. Entertainments such as the PSP, my scooter, shopping, knitting, blogging, reading, writing, watching movies…
  5. Work
  6. Non-physical self-improvement activities

And the list goes on and on.

So, given this highly-diversified and diverting list of interests, why do I constantly beat myself up for not having any interest in going on a hike or joining a gym? Is it because I live in a state that is so fixated on physical perfection? Is it because I live in a country that is getting fatter and fatter?

I don't know what to do.

*Adapted from the highly amusing and somewhat disturbing state motto of New Hampshire, "Live Free Or Die" — geesh, alright already…

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