October 15, 2008

sex, drugs & chuck klosterman

Posted in aging, divorce, movie review, nostalgia at 9:33 pm by Marise Phillips

i started reading his book — you know, that one with the cocoa puffs in it — and i felt too old for it in some ways, yet the perfect age for it in others. especially when he goes off on how all the women he’s known, born anytime between like 1965 and 1975 (I’m paraphrasing, but my year was in there,) are in love with john cusack.

i’m not, not with him specifically, but the more i thought about chuck’s argument, that pop culture has ruined real life, because it makes us mere humans believe we can attain perfect love, symbolized by that scene in say anything where lloyd dobler serenades ione skye with his boombox in the rain. the sad point that chuck is trying to make is that regular real life can never measure up to what we see in movies.

and i know what he means. i’ve been there, i still have to struggle to drag myself out of that, those dreams of true love and happily ever after, riding off into the sunset. and it’s at once horrifying and also okay.

tonight, i watched before sunset and despite all my assumptions that it would suck (eg it could never be as good as my faint happy memory of before sunrise, etc), that i was too much older than the characters to take anything they had to say seriously, etc etc… i was pleasantly surprised.

1, i’m only a couple years older than they are in real life (maybe 3-4 yrs older than their characters); and

2, their love lives — both when they met and in the interim — share certain themes with mine.

Case in point, Ethan/Jesse’s line:

I don’t want to be one of those people who are getting divorced at 52, falling down into tears, admitting that they never really loved their spouse, and they feel that their life has been suck– sucked up into… a… vacuum cleaner. You know, I want to have a great life. I want her to have a great life. She deserves that. All right? But we’re just living in a pretense of a marriage, responsibility, of all these — just these ideas of how people are supposed to live.

Oh. Oh yes, I know that one. And I gotta say, it sounded both weaselly and fucking true, in equal measures. It made me feel just that little bit more serene about where I’ve been and how I’ve gotten to today.

January 24, 2007

worst morning ever

Posted in aging, home, pets at 10:19 am by Marise Phillips

I woke up to find my house TP’d and my two prize Japanese goldfish dead.

Insult to injury (or is it the other way around?) I twisted my back slightly and am now in spasming pain.


December 10, 2006

moved in

Posted in aging, home at 7:48 pm by Marise Phillips

am v v v v v tired.

am also pissed off that so far, the only pizza we can get delivered out here is from domino’s. ew.

also, our furnace is broken and the part we need fixed is has asbestos on it, which makes it doubly hassley to deal with. so in the meantime, we are making do with two space heaters, two flannel comforters, and two cats.


Check it out. Yesterday marked the first time I ever used the phrase, “At my age…”


As we were moving out, I broke a mirror. From the other room, after hearing me swear, one of the movers asked, “Was it a small one?”

“Yeah,” I said, and he responded, “Only 5 years bad luck then.”

And so… I found myself saying, “Ah, ok, no big deal, then. At my age, 5 years goes by fast.”

November 21, 2006

why it so hard

Posted in aging, depression, family, home, lovey, work at 11:38 pm by Marise Phillips

  • to write well?
  • to concentrate on how I’m feeling and reacting, as opposed to obsessing about how everyone else is doing?
  • to react “appropriately” when others around me lose their shit?
  • to see my laptop’s screen?
  • (oh, did I mention that i wear BIFOCALS now? once again: OLD)

ugh. i think i just need to vent a bit.

yesterday, I had to deal with my anxiety-attack-tastic mother who was having a freakout over a plumber being “rude” to her. all i could think was “oh fuck. this is only going to get worse until the move. no, wait a minute, this is only going to get worse until she dies. fucking great.”

my dad didn’t help, either, of course. both of them are completely useless at dealing with the world most of the time. yesterday their helplessness irritated me so much, it was all I could do not to scream “shutthefuckupdontyourealizeiamsavingyoufromcertaindestitution sowhycantyoujustbereasonableandsaneforonceinyourlives andmakesomethingeasyformejustonceforfuckssake?”

which is always fun.

work and home life are also a real joy. not only is my job continuing not to live up to the title i’ve been given (my fault, i suppose) — it’s quite clear that my boyfriend is mourning the impending loss of his beloved city. i noticed a marked silence tonight as he slowly, dolefully wrapped each of his (vast collection of) plastic aliens in a paper towel, filling and stacking a pile of precisely-labeled, neat banker’s boxes in the long hallway near our door.

i suppose, however, it’s worth it because the house we are moving to is beautiful, peaceful, well-situated, graced with a fabulous garden, and a provides a palatable way to care for my crumbling parents.

oh, and we will be removing all contingencies first thing tomorrow. woo! hoo!

July 25, 2006

hee hee…

Posted in aging, internets, nostalgia at 5:23 pm by Marise Phillips

Today’s giggles:

  • crazy aunt purl, how i love thee!
  • sundry rocks my world (and her commenters rule, too!)
  • isolatr: why do i love smartasses so much? prolly because i’m NOT one, but always wanted to be.

And my real-world buddies:

  • k encounters a crazy drunk cutie
  • whinger scatted in public!!
  • mejane is a kinky romantic

in other news, my 20-year high school reunion was held this weekend. (fuck i’m old–OLD, I tell you!!)

and no. i didn’t go. the 10-year was enough to remind me why i disliked high school so much. the people i went with were IDIOTS. ok, ok, not all of them… but the overwhelming majority: mouth-breathing twits. people who called me a pinko commie for applying to Berkeley.

HA! i showed them! i ended up at UCSB, developed a drinking problem, and became a little sister at some fraternity i can’t even remember the name of! Wheeee!! (thank god, i laid off the sauce eventually, pulled myself together and graduated with honors. but i often wonder how different life would be had i taken Cal up on their acceptance letter…)

anyway, to be perfectly honest, i MIGHT have been tempted to go to the reunion, but only on two huuuugely-unlikely conditions:

  1. If I weighed maybe 35 pounds less
  2. If my love would agree to accompany me

So, rather than haul my bruised ass down south to some lame Disneyland-area hotel for a weekend of awkward conversations and stultifying smog, I chose a higher calling: to rant about people i spent three years with 20 years ago, from the lofty parapet of my online journal, read by millions of slavering faithful.

is slavering a word? i’m too lazy to look it up.

faithful? anyone? hello?


July 9, 2006

SO. Good.

Posted in aging, movie review, weekend at 7:39 pm by Marise Phillips

best movie i’ve seen all year.

*and* i had the best birthday since i turned 25 — the year a surprise party was thrown for me.

just, wow. my friends astound me.

guess 38’s my lucky number for a real reason!

July 8, 2006

cute bday ecards i got today…

Posted in aging, weekend at 10:17 am by Marise Phillips

from melly and richie

from aki and al

May 6, 2006


Posted in aging at 9:58 am by Marise Phillips

i posted part of that last entry onto the rants n raves section of craigslist. the title was “getting old sucks ass” 🙂

i got about half a dozen replies via email, most of them friendly, encouraging and/or commiserating. however, there was one guy (i assume it was a guy) who wrote to demand a photo of me, saying “i’ll give you my honest opinion.”

uh… no thanks — that’s ok — no, really, it is.

but i suppose overall i’m pleasantly surprised that the readers of my rant didn’t respond with the misogynistic and/or racist drivel i generally see on that forum.

May 2, 2006

ups and downs…

Posted in aging at 10:05 pm by Marise Phillips

[this may merely be pms-y of me, but still…]

i started a truly fabulous new job yesterday. one that falls squarely in the “do what you love” camp. very excited.

so when i was taking the elevator downstairs this evening, after a second day of time-flying-by, i found out that my decision to join the company had been considered something of a coup on my new boss’ part. that made me smile.

but there have been some bad things, too.

kristy’s dad died today. devastating news.

but she does seem to have steeled herself sufficiently well, having gone through the whole cancer nightmare with her mother. and her bf has once again proven himself to be a complete doll.

i was deeply honored to have met, entertained and played jeopardy (the portable board game version) with john sammis a couple of months ago. he was a sharp, funny and intensely interesting man who undoubtedly made a mark on this world — and it is a very great shame that he didn’t start that blog kristy finally managed to talk him into writing.


much more superficially, i had a supremely “bad body day” in that i was horrified at the way my brand-new photo badge (for building security) came out. OK, who the fuck IS that scary looking woman staring back at me, for gawd’s sake??? ugh. no wonder i get called “Ma’am” all the time now.

😦 😦 😦 😦 😦

and then, to add injury to insult, i was stopped by two young (italian?) men tonight as I walked home on Haight Street. stopped and basically mocked for being too old/too fat/too unattractive to merit their attentions. i don’t know exactly why they did this, probably because they were drunk, but apparently they thought it would be funny to pretend to hit on me and then laugh uproariously as i passed by.

putting it all into perspective, i realize that i have been hit on zillions more times than i have ever been made fun of. and not just by italians, because — let’s face it — they’re dogs.* it would not be unrealistic of me to boast that i have had the arguably, um… interesting “good fortune” of being considered notably hit-on-worthy many a time in my life.

getting older does help with the whole perspective thing.
but still: sigh.

* eesh, that sounds terribly non-pc of me. but i do have some actual real-life experience (good friends and ex-boyfriends) to back up this assertion. basically, my feelings got hurt, so i lashed out. i’d appreciate it if you didn’t sue me 😉

at any rate, i actually fucking LOVE Italy and Italians. so much so that I would give just about anything to live there someday. not insignificantly, because i adore their lust for life and (by extension)
s-e-x. 🙂

April 12, 2006

oh what a night!

Posted in aging, weekend at 10:55 pm by Marise Phillips

40 really *is* the new 30!
Originally uploaded by RiseyP.

late september, back in sixty-three…

Ok, so maybe it was more like late august, and perhaps the year was sixty-five, but close enough!! it was the sixties fer chrissakes!

anyway, sometime ’round then, my bestest buddy dana was conceived. and i am so, so glad she was!!

she has made my life everso much more fun these last eight or so years, in a variety of ways:

  • conspiring against our evil manager and soulless workmates while pretending we weren’t friends
  • outdoing one another in the quest for true tackiness at the flower market while planning my wedding
  • tae-bo in the living room and runs in the park
  • sunset barbecues on my deck in marin with juicy fruit and the pugaliciouses!
  • repeated viewings and quotings of le grand lebowski
  • commiserating as our respective marriages crumbled
  • enjoying the killer view and competing 4th of july fireworks shows from our little rented house in dolores heights
  • much drunkenness and even more good food
  • refraining from killing each other over my beloved Martha Stewart laundry hamper
  • seven glorious days at a villa on the amalfi coast of italy with signor cleek
  • getting one another through breakups, makeups and movings-on

I love you, Thena!!

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