June 14, 2006

How it happened, Part 2

Posted in divorce, nostalgia at 8:41 am by Marise Phillips

Although this post might suggest otherwise, I wasn't more than vaguely conscious of any unhappiness regarding my marriage at this point in time. Instead, I was focusing a big chunk of my waking thoughts on getting pregnant. As I do with all new obsessions, I bought every book I could find on the subject and spent a large portion of my free time digesting all the information available to me as woman in her mid-thirties who’d been trying for over a year to conceive.

My husband and I had both been tested for possible infertility issues; he was found to have a slightly lower-than-average sperm count, and I was diagnosed with a pre-polycystic ovary. Nothing that would likely prevent us from conceiving were I to take a few cycles of Clomid (an ovulation-inducing hormone) and, possibly later, undergo intra-uterine insemination (IUI). Because we knew a couple who'd blown their life savings on multiple in-vitro procedures, we counted ourselves fairly lucky so far.

Looking back, however, I think our main "infertility issue" was a plain and simple lack of sex. Before we were actively trying to conceive, we'd gone as long as two and a half months straight without it; therefore, the 2-3 times per month we were having at this point seemed plenty frequent by comparison. But I truly doubt it was often enough to make a baby.

Add to that my usual stream of consciousness during each encounter: "There's really no point in trying to come; he'll be done soon anyway… Hum-de-dummm… I can't wait 'til this is over so I can get back to doing [insert current project/TV show/DVD/video game here.]" So yes: rote it was; exciting, fulfilling, titillating it was not.

Still, I loved him and was happy to be commuting with him at my new job.


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